my gifts

 

Today I could post about a lot of things.  I am overwhelmed with the feeling of love right now.   Love from others; love for others.   I have learned to not expect much from my birthdays, to just be OK with it being just like any other day.  And, usually, I’m totally OK with that.  So on years when my birthday is treated as anything but an ordinary day, it’s extra special to me.  And today was one of those days.  Maybe I will write about that tomorrow. 

I am aware of way too many faults and weaknesses caused from my own selfishness.  They make me sad and frustrated and annoyed with myself.  Maybe one day I will write about those, too.  Today, I wanted to think about and reflect on the gifts that I am lucky enough to be blessed with and nurture.  Certainly not gifts I have given myself, but gifts that I am able to recognize in myself and, hopefully, magnify. 

In no particular order, these are gifts that I recognize in myself and am grateful to have been blessed with:

1. Being positive.  The more experience I have in my life, the more I realize that being positive is a gift.  It is not something that everyone possesses.  This used to frustrate me to no end to watch people wallow in their sorrows because I couldn’t understand how others couldn’t see the good in their lives, amidst the bad.  I am incredibly blessed to be able to see the positive side of nearly every situation.  I rarely stay stuck in my troubles.  I have learned that there is very little I can control- and the rest I can be OK with.  What a relief it is to me to only have to worry about the things I can control. 
2. Gratitude.  I have been blessed with parents who have taught me the joys and necessity of having gratitude in my life.  For all things.  especially the hard ones.  I have been blessed tremendously to feel and express gratitude for the many blessings and things-that-don’t-feel-like-blessings-at-the-time.  Feeling grateful is a gift that has blessed my life tremendously.
3. Being funny.  This is probably my most recognizable and appreciated (by me) trait.  I love being funny.  I love how freeing it is to laugh, to make others laugh.  It comes naturally to me.  I cannot control the witty thoughts that pop into my head in nearly every situation.  Being funny has helped me through many hard times.  Being funny has made life more fun.  Being funny has helped me to be positive.
4. Sense of Humor.  Being funny and having a sense of humor are quite different.   I am able to make others laugh, but I am also able to laugh with (and at) others.  I am able to recognize when something is funny.  Life is full of funny to me.  What a blessing.
5. Flexibility.  I think I’m flexible.  I am able to step away from situations and see what really matters.  and make decisions accordingly.  This is not something I’ve always been able to do.  It is something I have learned over the years as a mom.  I have always tried to not say “no” to my kids just because I can.  I try to be as flexible as I can to accommodate and show my kids (and friends) I love them and they are important to me.
6. Confidence.  This is also a gift I haven’t always had.  This is something I intentionally set out to acquire back in high school.  I admired someone I went to school with (Tricia P) and figured out that what I most admired about her was her confidence.  I love that she was herself, no matter what.  And she was happy in that.  I acted confident well before I actually felt confident.  but I am confident with myself now because I learned that confidence is mostly a mindset.  a choice. 
7. Hope.  Much like the gift of being positive, the gift of hope has blessed my life more than anything I can think of.  To me, the gift of hope, is all I need.  I have hope that everything in my life will be OK and as it should be.  That I will learn the lessons that I am supposed to learn in this life.  that all will be well- difficult or not.  That the only things that matter are that I keep going, keep doing, keep believing…and everything else will be as it should.  I love the gift of hope in my life.  It has served me well.
8. Journaling.  I love telling my children’s stories.  I love the joy it brings them to look through the scrapbooks I have created for each of them since their births.  to be able to see how they’ve grown.  to feel my love and pride for them in a tangible way.  I’m good at it.  I love to do it, but I really love the result:  that my kids know who they are.  I am incredibly grateful for my talent that I have been given in being able to document my children’s lives and express my emotions and joys and frustrations in a real way.
9. Seeing good intentions.   This one comes easy for me.  I am rarely offended.  At my core, I know people are good.  I know that we all want the same things out of life:  to feel loved.  I know that when something seems hurtful to me at first, it is due to one of two things:  either I misunderstood the other person’s intentions or the other person is lashing out over a hurt that they have.  Innately, we are all good.  Sometimes people do dumb things because they feel badly about themselves.  I am able to step away from a seemingly hurtful situation and see the intent with which it was given.
10. Compassion.  I really do have the gift of compassion.  I care deeply for others, especially my family members.  I don’t always come across as a compassionate person.  Mostly because I don’t know how to express compassion very well.  But my heart breaks for others in difficult situations.  I spend a lot of time thinking about others and wondering how I can help.  Expressing these compassionate thoughts in a productive way is something I’m still learning.
11. Discernment.  This is actually something I was blessed with in my patriarchal blessing I received when I was 18.  It is something that baffled me at first.  but I am able to see it more clearly in my role as a parent.  The gift of discernment is to be able to recognize the difference between right and wrong.  I do.  very clearly.  It  may come across as judgment to others, but it blesses my life many times over as a parent.
12. Knowing who I am.  In a world that is confusing and overwhelming, I am extremely grateful to know who I am.  I am a daughter of God who feels and recognizes that gift daily.  I am a very needed mother, who loves and values that role more than any other.  I am a supportive wife who sees the need to show my love for my deserving husband more every year.  I am a compassionate sister who wants more than anything to be recognized as someone who loves each of her family members, without judgment.  I am a “go to” friend, who is aware of others’ needs.  I am Ray and Nevada’s daughter, who is grateful for the childhood I was given and for the many gifts that were passed on to me and exemplified for me in my growing up years.  I am a strong, virtuous woman, who is proud to believe the things I do and live the way I live- in an environment where my beliefs and virtue are not always recognized as honorable things.  I am me.  and I am 36.  and I wouldn’t want to be anyone else or any other age.