whirlwind…

(of guilt)

this is my least favorite form of blogging:  rambling on about a myriad of things that have happened or are going through my mind.  I much prefer to blog in the moment, from story to story.  but i have been very lax in my blogging lately and the habit it slipping away from me.  i can’t say i’ll promise to do better because life will only get crazier and busier as time flies by.  but i can start somewhere.

**talent**

i’ll start with yesterday.  elli has been bugging me- like only a persistent and determined oldest child can- to paint her room.  i have rolled my eyes at this and delayed the process for a long time (possibly years).  what an undertaking.  recently, she has taken up the art of painting with acrylics on canvas.  and she’s produced some pretty spectacular work.  yesterday, she asked if she could doodle with her acrylic paints on the small drywall sections in between her four windows along one of the walls of her bedroom.  after double-checking to make sure acrylic paints were sustainable on drywall, I told her that was fine.  no taping or dropcloths or major furniture rearranging = no work for me. 

  

well. as predictable as elli is with her projects, this one turned into a full-on mural on another wall.  and inspired emma to take up acrylic painting (on her wall) as well.  i have to say, i’m pretty impressed with my girls’ talent.  i am not exaggerating one bit when i say that they far surpass me in both creativity and talent in their artistic abilities.  this talent comes straight from their grandma nevada.
 

emma’s ended up being a shrine for her calvin pictures and mementos. 

pretty amazing for a day’s work.

**Hawaii**

Damon was asked to go on a spontaneous business trip to…Hawaii.  i was lucky enough to tag along for 6 days of it.  we went to the big island (kona) and had a lovely time.  it was a bit different being nearly 8 months pregnant, but i wasn’t complaining (which doesn’t actually mean that i didn’t complain).  turns out, 81 degrees is a little too hot for me.  and walking in the sand is a bit laborious.  but being with my husband for one last hurrah (in hawaii of all places!) before the baby comes was about the best thing ever. 

i hope that i will take the time to write about the highs and lows of this trip in the coming days.

what wasn’t the best thing ever was doing Great Wolf Lodge with 7 children (2 friends) without Damon (who got to stay in hawaii for 3 more days)… 12 hours after I returned home from Hawaii.  except my kids thought it was the best thing ever so that makes it ok. 

(i took zero pictures of my kids at great wolf lodge)

all of this happened last week. 

**toothless*

sometime between christmas eve and mid-january, ray became toothless.

 

he even looked like this for a few (too many) days:
 

before he finally settled on this look:

i’ve never been sad about my kids losing teeth before so it took me by surprise when ray losing all four front teeth in a matter of weeks had me really pondering how quickly my children are growing up.  i really don’t want him to get those huge ugly big boy teeth.  i’m not ready for it.  but apparently he is because he already has 4 new teeth replacing the gaps. 

ray worked full-time wiggling those teeth and pulled every single one of them out (with the exception of one that he gave nolan the honor of pulling out) on his own.  no tears, no drama.  he just quietly brought me a tooth in a paper towel 4 separate times.  the tooth fairy remembered to pay him ($2/tooth) each time! 

**ray and calvin**

ray has fallen apart a few different times over the last couple months over memories of calvin.  out of the blue, he started sobbing and talking about how sad he was that he never got to hold calvin.  something he seemed afraid to do in the hospital when calvin was born.  even though we’ve never talked about this with him, he seems to have a lot of regret over not choosing to hold him.  it makes me so sad, but i try to reassure him that calvin knew he was there and was OK that ray wasn’t ready to hold him.

more recently, ray has been asking a lot of questions about our current baby.  particularly about the c-section process.  when i was explaining to him how that was going to go down, i mentioned how exciting the time would be when the doctor showed me the baby after he pulled the baby from my tummy.  apparently, he thought we were talking about calvin’s birth because he looked shocked and then said, “you were excited when the doctor showed you your dead baby?!”

it’s on his mind a lot. 

**mine, too**

i am 31 weeks and 1 day pregnant.  this is the point in my pregnancy when something went terribly wrong with calvin- only i wouldn’t know it for a few more days.  i gave birth to calvin at 31 weeks and 5 days.  i am ever-conscious of these numbers as the days progress.  i am constantly checking for fetal movement, and i take my job very seriously as the source of life for this baby.  i only have 6 1/2 weeks to go, but there is a (huge) fear that something could still go wrong.  i have no intentions of getting anything ready for the baby until after april hits.  i don’t want a baby shower.  i don’t want to buy diapers.  i don’t even want to pull any of my baby things out.  which is ridiculous for me, as i am a major planner and list-maker.  i truly am taking this one day at a time.  and i have 45 more days to go. 

in an effort to document this as current, i snapped this photo a few minutes ago (against my better judgment).  if you look carefully, you’ll notice my trademark hairdo:

**singing**

emma performed in the elementary honors choir.  she loved every minute of every rehearsal and especially loved just being a part of such an elite group.

 

elli was selected to sing a solo for a traveling choir field trip.  she was ecstatic to sing parts of “Lean on Me”, GLEE-style (even though none of us have ever seen an episode of GLEE).  i was able to attend one of the 3 performances and she did a pretty amazing job.  not only is she a wonderfully strong singer, but she has fantastic stage presence.

here is a super high-quality video i took of her performance at a local elementary school (she’s in the v-neck at the microphone):

elli also performed in the All-state choir for junior high this past weekend.  she is slated to sing a solo in sacrament meeting in april.

**sports**

elli finished up her basketball season and made the cut for varsity volleyball the very next week.  she absolutely loves the sport of volleyball and practices against our family room wall, which produces a lovely repetitive sound.

emma, nolan, and savannah will be wrapping up their parks and rec basketball seasons this coming weekend. 

emma continues to play indoor soccer and will begin outdoor spring soccer- along with nolan and ray- at the beginning of april.

 

**report cards**

emma and nolan always excel and this grading period was no different; i have just come to expect it of them.  i usually don’t give them the recognition they deserve because they are just easy in that way.  elli, however, is an under-achiever- if there is such a thing.  so i was super impressed when she brought home a report card with straight A’s. 

** a baby story**

while in hawaii, i got hooked on TLC’s A BABY STORY again.  i used to watch this show years ago (when i was pregnant with emma), but haven’t seen it forever.  it seems every episode i caught was a mother ending up with a c-section.  every episode brought memories of calvin’s birth and tears flowing down my face.  i hope to create positive memories of a c-section delivery someday soon. 

**lack of pictures**

i have been a real slacker lately as far as taking pictures and keeping track of things for the sake of documenting memories for my children.  my philosophy is if i don’t take a picture, then i don’t have document it.  except, if i don’t take a picture, i usually forget it even happened.  so i need to be better about making the effort to get my camera out- even when i don’t feel like taking pictures. 

**fantastic mr. fox**

we watched it for family movie night last night.  i didn’t think i’d like it at all, but it was a pretty creative movie.  i am a very harsh movie critic, and i ended up loving this movie. 

**promotion**

as of today, damon has officially been promoted to senior developer at microsoft.  yay for promotions.  and for my hard-working, dedicated husband. 

**sick**

i’m sick right now.  and i can’t take anything to remedy my symptoms.  i don’t like being sick.  and not being able to take anything for it.