Nolan at twelve

Nolan is truly a joy to parent.  It's not that I love him any more than any of my other awesome children, it's just that he is so responsive and aware.  And if he's this aware at twelve, how much better will he get?

When I think of Nolan, I think of these descriptors:

• mature
• responsible
• accountable
• genuine
• enthusiastic
• appreciative
• intelligent
• learner
• organized
• anxious
• persistent
• happy
• funny
• witty
• eager
• loving
• compassionate
• aware
• likable
• successful
• respectful
• sleep-walker
• chocolate lover

things he spends his time doing:

• writing computer programs/games with Scratch.

I could probably end the list with that, but I'll add more just to make him seem more well-rounded:

• playing with Madsen
• checking his email
• looking up cool and random information on the internet or in books
• reading books on his Kindle
• asking me if he can buy another book on the Kindle because he just finished the book I bought him 2 hours ago already
• asking me to take him to Target to waste his money on candy and toys that break on the car ride home
• reciting Brian Regan jokes
• telling me how many followers he has on Scratch
• growing out of his clothes and shoes
• wrapping up in his Snuggie or electric blanket
• reminding me that I promised to take him to Hawaii like 8 years ago

things that endear me to Nolan:

• when he tells me thank you out of the blue for things I do daily for him.  "Mom, thank you for making my lunch every day.  I really appreciate it."
• when he races ahead of me to open my car door for him.
• when he stops what he's doing (on the computer) to unload the dishwasher the very first time I ask him to do it
• when he gives me a hug or tells me he loves me before he leaves for school
• when he gets so excited that I've made his favorite breakfast for him (eggs benedict)
• when he thinks something through and has everything organized and prepared for school/event the next day (backpack packed, asks me to wake him up at a very specific time so he can study again in the morning, reminder notes written to himself or me about stuff he needs to remember to do/get in the morning).  this is my kind of thinking
• when he leaves the 2nd testimony page blank in his Faith in God book because he's "leaving room for his testimony to grow"

lest you think he is the perfect child, these are some of the things that drive me crazy about my 12-year-old:

• his annoying sounds /noises he makes...just because
• his constant need to go to the bathroom when he's anxious or excited about something
• his weirdness about not being able to fall asleep some nights.  panicking and crying because he's so worried that he can't fall asleep- even though he has clearly woken himself up to come into my room and wake me up to tell me he hasn't been able to fall asleep at all. 
• his constant determination/persistence/badgering when he wants something or when I've "promised" him something
• his impatience with Ray when Ray is being annoying
• his magnetic draw to the computer
• his tendency to get frustrated easily and sabotage himself when he doesn't get something right away or can't find something
• his annoying habit of chewing on his shirt collar when he's on the computer

I am grateful for my Nolan.  He is a blessing to our family every day, weaknesses and all.  I am proud to be his mom and an excited to see what he will become as he grows up.

Ray at nine.point.five

I go back and forth between being worried at the thought of a crazy, questioning, avoiding teenaged Ray and being comforted by thoughts of a sweet, sensitive, shy teenaged Ray.  He is kind of a mixed bag.  He can be very frustrating because it's nearly impossible to pin him down to get anything done, but he is also the sweetest, most sensitive kid I have. 

When I think of Ray, several words come to mind: 

• crazy
• he's crazy.  he attempts stunts that i'd rather not know about.  he belongs in the circus.  he can do multiple variations of the back flip on the trampoline, he rides a unicycle, he climbs on the roof, he flat out scares me.  but, of any of my kids, I also trust his skills the most.  I don't necessarily trust his judgment, but i'm confident he could do most anything he attempted.
• physical
• this kid needs physical activity.  he is biking, running, jumping, flipping, wrestling, skate-boarding, GOING all. day. long.  he loves to walk to school (only kid so far that turns down a ride to school) and the only evidence I have that he is home from school is that his backpack is usually right smack in the middle of the entry way.  he doesn't mind rain or snow or sleet or hail.  he is usually outside doing something regardless of how cold he is or how wet he's getting.  and if he's not, he's driving us crazy inside. 
• energetic
• he's tired and slow-moving in the morning, but he has a lot of energy otherwise.  he would prefer to stay up later, but he crashes pretty quickly when he's forced to go to bed.  his body must be so relieved when I finally force him to go to bed
• reader
• this kid loves to read.  or be read to.  it's taken him a couple years to really take off with reading, but this is his year.  he has finally broken away from reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid books over and over and is reading actual books right now.  there isn't a night that goes by that he doesn't ask Damon or me to read to him.  His current series he is reading is the Heroes of Olympus by Rick Riordan.  They are way over my head (and pronunciation level), but he seems to know exactly what's going on and is engaged the entire time he's being read to.  Damon is usually the one who ends up reading to him; I love that Ray has forced that routine on us. 
• soft-spoken
• ray is a mumbler, particularly in a new situation.  this is the one consistent weakness that comes up in every parent-teacher conference:  Ray needs to speak up.  we are working on this, but sometimes I feel like i'm perpetuating the problem because I get frustrated when I can't understand him and I lay into him about speaking more clearly and getting his hands away from his face. 
• questioning
• for as soft-spoken as he is , he can ask some pretty bold questions. from why we have to go to church every Sunday to why he has to do "all the work" around the house to when will Grandpa Ray and Calvin be alive again?  sometimes his questions make me pause and sometimes his questions make me worried he's going to be a disrespectful teenager.
• sensitive
• he doesn't take criticism well.  and can easily end up in tears.  and then move quickly to sobbing.  and then mumbling.  sometimes he get upset over something as little as being asked to do a chore that he doesn't want to do, but he also is very sensitive about serious things that seem to come up out of the blue.  grandpa ray, calvin, and Jesus Christ's crucifixion are all sensitive topics that can quickly lead to a meltdown.
• adventurous
• I like to think this is the trait he got from my dad.  he does what he wants.  one day last summer, he found an old tire in our backyard (no idea where that came from) and he asked if he could make a tire swing with it.  at first, I was like "no way; it's not going to work.  you can't just take a tire and make a tire swing out of it.  it's not that simple."  but then I realized he wasn't asking for help, he was just asking for permission to use the tire.  so I told him it was fine.  and he actually made a tire swing.  that we still have in use today. 
• strong
• he is strong.  much stronger than me.  if I let him play football, I'm sure he would be great at it.  i'm so glad he's never asked.
• athletic
• every sport he's tried, he's excelled at.  he is just a natural.  he is ridiculously fast, he has great stamina, awesome hand-eye coordination, and a quick strategic mind.  I was a little sad this spring when he told me he wanted to take a break from playing sports because he didn't like "having to be somewhere".  I love watching him play sports.  I have a smile on my face the whole time. 
• musical
• as i'm writing all this down, I am realizing how talented my son is.  he has so many natural abilities that he just amazes me with.  I am in awe of his ability to listen to a song- any song, walk over to the piano and plunk it out.  almost without error.  he has never taken piano lessons, but he can play songs from the radio, music from video games, hymns he is learning in primary, songs from movies.  it is incredible.  I really, really love to hear him downstairs figuring something out by trial and error.  this is something he tends to do on Sundays when I send him out of the room over and over because he's being too crazy and physical.  I'm happy he has an outlet that doesn't require being physical.
• shy
• he is naturally shy, but once he's comfortable, that (mostly) goes away.  he is still a little quiet and awkward in group settings, but he seems to have an appropriate balance of interacting and being reserved
• annoying
• once you move past the shyness, he can be downright annoying.  haha.  Nolan can testify to this.  if he wants attention, he can be in your face and pestering non-stop. 
• avoider
• oh man, he is an avoider.  next to Elli, he is the worst offender for not doing something I asked him to do.  I am constantly coming across (undone) things that I asked him to do.  Since he's usually at school or outside with his gang, i have a hard time following through with him.  his most frequently "forgotten jobs" are putting his backpack away, unloading the dishwasher, putting his dirty socks in the laundry basket (how many pairs of socks can a boy own?!!), and showering. 
• snacker
• he is not a big meal-eater, but he snacks all day.  i think it's mostly because eating a meal requires being still for a certain amount of time.  snacking can be done on-the-go.  luckily, he eats fairly healthy stuff for snacks like spoonfuls of peanut butter and protein bars, and fruit
• loyal
• ray is a good friend.  he is loyal and sticks up for his friends if someone is being mean to them or talking about them.  he is loyal to me.  i can tell by the way he looks at me sometimes that he genuinely loves and appreciates me.  he seems to have a tender place in his heart for me, as his mother.  i love that about him. 

right now in his life, doing things with his friends is his favorite pastime.  even though several of his friends are older than him, he seems to be a leader and has lots of different types of friends.  on top of riding his bike, jumping on the trampoline, playing BUMP at the junior high, playing tag and other games in and around our backyard and street, he also loves to play Terraria and Minecraft on the Xbox, build Legos, build forts, play with and pester Madsen, make bracelets on his rainbow loom, make lemonade and shaved ice and smoothies and scrambled eggs (messes), and leave his dirty socks everywhere

he prefers to do his homework in the morning before school when he is all alone and doesn't have to give up precious daylight with his friends after school. 

Every time i see Ray's bare feet (sometime after he's removed his dirty socks and left them somewhere for me to find after he's unavailable), I think of my brother Chad because they both have ridiculously thick and long toenails.  haha.

he has adorable freckles across the bridge of his nose.  i notice them every morning at breakfast.  i love those freckles!

his laugh is adorable.  he shrugs his shoulders and scrunches his head down in a way that makes it look like he has no neck.  and then lets out a loud laugh.  usually over something that nobody else thought was funny.  :)

my favorite thing about Ray is that he makes me feel needed as his mother.  Having my children recognize that they need me is equivalent to me feeling loved.  Ray makes me feel loved. 

madsen at three.

I love this kid.  He is so unique and mature and just awesome.  I want to capture each of the kids right now.  I'm starting with Madsen:

• he loves puzzles.  he is unbelievably amazing at putting puzzles together.  the way his mind goes and goes blows me away.  he is capable of doing a 100-piece puzzle all by himself.
• his very most favorite puzzle (and possibly possession) is his puzzle of the United States.  He has relationships with each of the states.  IF a sates is "missing", he KNOWS.  and he cares.  He knows the states in alphabetical order, their capitals, and can recognize the shape of any state, no matter which way it's turned.  He even knows some of the states landmarks and state flags and birds.  he has also recently ventured into the world map and puzzles and is familiar with south America, Europe and Canada.  he is teaching all of us. 
• he is still in love with Perfection.  on any given day, the very first thing he does is wake up and either gets his state puzzle out or his Perfection game out.  and then proceeds to take all the shapes out and put them back in or assemble the puzzle, disassemble and reassemble.  over and over.  talking to the states and perfection pieces as he goes. one of these prized possessions usually comes with us in the car if we leave. 
• he loves my phone.  particularly watching videos of himself on my phone.  over and over.  often he is watching a video of himself putting the state puzzle together...while he is putting the state puzzle together in real time.  I have become accustomed to hearing my voice being played as background noise all throughout the day and have finally stopped reacting to cries or calls I hear...on video. he also watches you tube videos of states and capitals songs.  most of them are very annoying.  if he isn't watching videos on my phone, he is looking through my camera roll at pictures of himself.  he also loves playing some game on damon's phone that has gangnum style playing in the background.
• he loves the trampoline.  especially if ray and his friends are on it.  he thinks he is "one of the boys" and follows Ray and Nolan and their friends around whenever they're here. 
• he prefers not to wear pants.  we have finally gotten him trained to at least have underwear on
• he still loves letters and is starting to "spell words" by grouping a bunch of random letters together.  "what does E-R-E-T-E-R-E spell?"  almost every word he spells ends with E-R-E.
• he loves macaroni and cheese, smooth yogurt, cheese sticks, marshmallows, bagels with cream cheese, smoothies, chocolate milk (carnation instant breakfast), things presented to him on popsicle sticks, candy, peanut butter, plain slices of bread, pirates booty, strawberries, raspberries, and cold cereal
• he generally prefers Damon over me- unless he's really tired or hurt.
• for the past couple months, he has routinely ended up in our bed around 2 am every night.  I think I allow it because he is my last baby.  he is adorable when he drowsily staggers in every night and crawls into "his spot" and falls right back asleep.  he is a sleep-talker and often recites the alphabet or sings the states/capitals song in his sleep.  it's either that or an argument with Ray that he is dreaming about. 
• he goes through pretty strong phases of what he likes to watch on Netflix.  he is pretty opinionated, but once he's latched onto something he watches it over and over.  currently he is watching the Color Crew, which only has 4 episodes available so that gets pretty annoying for the rest of us.  in the past, he has loved Leapfrog, mickey mouse clubhouse, super why, he is equally picky about what he will NOT watch.  he hates Psych and Frozen (and most other shows) and screams when they are on because they're "scary".  um, ok
• he is pretty easy to negotiate with (unless you're trying to negotiate what you want to watch or listen to) and seems very mature accountable for his age.  he will even put himself in time out when he does something that he shouldn't do
• he loves his royal blue Crocs
• he has an incredible memory 
• his favorite primary songs are If You Chance to Meet a Frown, Popcorn Popping, I am a child of God, and Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes
• he loves books and has several books memorized.  his current favorites are THE MARSHMALLOW INCIDENT, 10 LITTLE MONKEYS, Z IS FOR MOOSE, I WANT MY POTTY
• he is just starting to recognize that a chair is his friend.  it can help him get (almost) anything he wants to reach.  I find chairs pushed all over the kitchen, a sure sign that Madsen has been there.
• he's sassy
• he doesn't like to go to bed and avoids me at bedtime.  he hasn't napped since before he was 2 1/2
• he likes the idea of going places, but he usually asks when we are going to be home not long after we've left
• he loves going to the park.  especially if "all the everybodys" are there.  he loves the swing and going down the slide
• he loves taking baths and can play in the bath (foam states and letters, of course) for hours
• he makes us laugh
• he is polite and is very good about asking for things he wants/needs and thanking me for getting him things.
• he is independent and fairly predictable. 
• he is one of the most loved little people I know.

i'm the best mom ever

no, really.
today my kids ate fruity pebbles for dinner
AND
I hooked Elli up for EFY in Hawaii.
seriously. 

Built On The Rock

I'm super excited about this:

 

It is a production that our stake youth put on every 4 years.  We saw this back in 2010, and I was blown away.  Now that I have 2 kids performing in it and know a significant portion of the kids performing, I just can't wait to see it all come together.

Somebody in the costume department "heard I was a seamstress" (uh, that's news to me) and I have spent the last 2 days sewing costumes for this.  The costumes are incredible.  I have (only) spent over 15 hours in the past 2 days up at the church sewing and being a part of this and I am in complete awe at the scale and talent of the costumes for this production.  There are over 250 kids participating in this, and I worked on 3 costumes (that were already fairly completed when I got to them) that I still have work to complete on them.  3 costumes.  There is so much detail and color.  Even though I'm exhausted, I am so thrilled to be a contributor to this project. 

As thrilled as I am to be able to be a part of this and be exposed to such great talent in the costuming department and great women, I am totally loving that my girls are spending so much time rehearsing for and being immersed in this production of the Book of Mormon.  The music is so powerful.  I wish that everyone I know could come see it. 

There are a few video clips from past rehearsals up on our stake's Facebook page.  I happened to find 2 clips that feature Elli's voice solo and Emma's dance number.  Elli would kill me if she knew I was posting this anywhere because this is one of the earlier rehearsals and she was still learning the (difficult) song, but I could watch/listen to it over and over, mistakes and all.

Emma is my performer so she was initially pretty disappointed when Elli was selected for a lead role and a voice solo, but she has since earned herself a dance solo and is loving her special part.  I am so proud of my girls and can't wait to see this in a couple weeks.

Here is a peek at their work in progress:

Elli's solo

Emma's part

 

technical difficulties

so much for getting through my blog post quickly tonight so I could get to bed at a reasonable time.  I'm having technical difficulties with blogger.  It won't let me upload pics to my post.  I'm super annoyed because I had a post all ready to go, but it's pretty meaningless without pictures.  And now I'm too tired/annoyed to come up with anything else. 


Maybe tomorrow?


I miss my sister's comments.  Spring Break is over; where are you?  :)

easter sunday and passing the sacrament

Madsen's first memorable Easter egg hunt was pretty great.  He is such a fun kid to watch in an activity like finding something that's hidden.  He was thrilled with every single egg that he found.  And even more thrilled with the contents inside.  By the end of the day, he had eaten 2 boxes of Peeps (10 Peeps), 2 large chocolate covered marshmallows, about 100 jelly beans, and maybe a dozen Nestle Crunch eggs--and no dinner.  He was in heaven.  And then he was a nightmare.  And then he was running around the house, literally bouncing off the couch and walls, and speaking/singing/laughin really fast.  And then he was asleep.

This year, I am particularly grateful that we have kept our Easter traditions pretty low-key.  I love that there aren't any real expectations surrounding Easter for my kids and that the only thing they "expect" is some kind of hunt.  I love that each of the kids have an assigned color and a specific number of eggs to be found.  I love that our "Easter baskets" are just small-ish sturdy gift bags (in colors that  match their assigned egg colors) that we re-use year after year.  I love that most of the eggs just have predictable candy in them, but a few of them will have paper clues in them that will send the kids to different places in the house where other small things (too big to fit inside eggs) are hidden for them to find.  I love that instead of my kids complaining about the chocolate (Elli) or jelly beans (Nolan) they don't like, they figure out some kind of trading system so Elli ends up with almost everyone's Peeps, Nolan has an overloaded chocolate stash, Emma and Ray own most of the jelly beans, and Madsen just takes and eats whatever he sees.   I love that this year, the Easter Bunny snuck in a "free hug from your mom" egg that 2 of my kids happily redeemed, 2 of them "saved" for another time, and 1 of them doesn't read and has no idea it was in there.  I love that none of this excitement happens until after church so it never competes with getting ready for church.  And I really, really love that every single thing that was part of our Easter fun this year was purchased right after Easter last year for 90% off at Target. 

I also really love this Easter message.
---------------------------------------------------------

Today was also Nolan's first experience passing the sacrament as a deacon.  I love that he was up early, wondering if he should go with dad who has meetings 2 hours before church so that he would for sure be there early.  I love that he was studying his color-coded "sacrament route" cheat sheet this week to prepare him for how it works.  I love that he took this Priesthood responsibility seriously and was reverent and respectful.  I love that he is excited to go do baptisms for the dead this week with his friend.  I love that he is my son. 

What a great (family) day we had today.  love these days

knowing love

Tonight I am mulling over this thought:  do my children KNOW I love them? 

The obvious answer is "how could they not?"  I mean I love them more than anything.  I would do anything for them.  My life revolves around them; nearly everything I do is FOR THEM.  Even the things I do for myself are, indirectly, for them.  In a lot of ways, I never knew love before I was a parent. 

And then I remember how often I criticize them for not remembering to do something or for not doing as good of a job as they were capable of. And I remember that I rolled my eyes or said something sarcastic in a conversation...even though I know they don't like when I do that.  And I remember that I got frustrated and lost my cool just last night when I should have just been listening. 

And so when one of my children accuses me of not loving them-- or even hating them-- my first reaction is to laugh because the idea is just absurd (see 2nd paragraph).  I can't even entertain the idea for a moment.  Surely, this isn't how they really feel?

But what if it is?

If it is, then I am doing something wrong.  The matter up for discussion isn't IF I love my children, it's DO THEY KNOW IT?  My entire purpose as a mother is to raise children who know they are loved- by me and by their Heavenly parents.  Mostly I want to roll my eyes at the idea of one of my children questioning my love for them, but every once in a while it triggers something in me that makes me want to do more. 

Sometimes I think the answer is to listen more.  Sometimes I think the answer is to give more.  Sometimes I think the answer is to say less.  Sometimes I think the answer is to hug more.  Sometimes I think the answer is to go to the temple more regularly.  Sometimes I think the answer is to focus more on the positive in each of my children.  Sometimes the answer is to be less judgmental of myself. 

Mostly the answer is to be patient.  Because one day they will (hopefully) be parents themselves. 
and then they will KNOW. 

i can see the floor!

right after I published tonight's post, I noticed last night's post was still sitting in my drafts.  woops

today I cleaned out
"the storage room"

while my kids made a "resort fort" upstairs
using up every item we own (that wasn't already crammed into the storage room)

I could open my own consignment shop
(or maybe sell them at the kids' new resort fort)

I am feeling pretty accomplished (and exhausted)
as this has been on my to do list since the fall.

yay me!

under the fridge

is a goldmine some days.

 

today was one of those days for Madsen. 

 

back in the "perfection pieces days" (a few months ago),
we would look under the fridge and dishwashers
almost immediately upon noticing a precious piece had gone missing. 

and we would usually get lucky. 

 

not only would the missing perfection pieces be there,
but we would also find lots of other loot,
like legos

and (licked) lollipops

and Hotwheels

and gogos

and Boggle cubes

and magnets

and always lots of marbles and dust balls.

 

it's quite a task (as a 40 year old) to dig for gold under a one-inch height
holding a flashlight in one hand
and a broken wooden dowel in the other...
while laying on your side on a hardwood floor.

 

 

 

 

but Madsen is a great cheerleader
and the shouts of excitement that he exclaims
as he is reunited with his long lost friends
(today it was Idaho and Washington and Texas and California and all their friends)

makes the labor totally worth it.

 

until we have to do it all over again tomorrow...

when he "loses" his states again. 

 

 

cherished

I have been reflecting a lot about how much I am loving and liking my boys right now.  I am not sure if it's the juxtaposition of having older teenage girls mixed with parenting wisdom mixed with the ages my boys are at right no-- or if it's just the fact that boys are so much different to parent than girls.  Either way, I am recognizing and appreciating the love that I get from my boys. 

Madsen is so lovey.  he hugs me all the time and tells me out of the blue, "I like you, mom" (I believe this is his version of "I love you").  these days, those words are pretty meaningful to me, even coming from a 3-year-old.  I just want to squeeze him and kiss him and love on his sweetness all day. 

Ray can be obstinate, but he is super sensitive and tender.  He is easy to offend and takes criticism harshly.  He is equally tender towards me.  He often hugs me just to hug me--and they are real hugs.  He lingers.  He seems to genuinely appreciate that I am his mom.  He is genuinely grateful and "gets it" when I go out of my way to do something special for him.  The other day I made his favorite ice cream (Grandma Nevada's lemon ice cream) and put about 1/3 of it in a special container, just for him.  I knew he'd be happy, but I didn't really expect a reaction from him.  I was caught off guard when he looked me in the eyes and said, "Really, mom?  You made this just for me?" and when I told him yes, he came and gave me the best hug.  I seriously thought he was going to cry.  I've been thinking about it for days.  It was pretty special.

Nolan is ever aware.  He opens my car door for me.  He tells me thank you when I take him places.  He recognizes the effort it takes to make his birthday unique and special.  He recognizes the little everyday things I do and thanks me for them.  He also seems to love to give me hugs and still tells me he loves me- even when I haven't said the words first.  He asks me to do things for him in a way that make me feel needed-- without feeling needed.

I don't want these sweet relationships with my sons to ever get strained or heavy.  I am really cherishing this time that they are affectionate and adore me as their mom.  My teenage girls certainly don't adore me currently, and I'm pretty sure they never did.  I'm sure they love me and appreciate me on some basic level, but I feel cherished by my boys. 

I hope this is just a boy thing-- and that it's not going to fade as they get older. 

what spring break means to me

As I was deep in thought while loading the 73rd cereal bowl into the dishwasher this afternoon, the thought occurred to me how different life is when our normal everyday is interrupted (in a normal week, the kids eat cereal once or twice). 
I look forward to spring break almost as much as I look forward to summer.  It is that final milestone right before the end of the school year.  so necessary to my sanity.

spring breaks means:

• running out of cereal bowls because it's the breakfast, lunch, and (sometimes) dinner of choice around here when they're "on their own"
• "letting" the kids stay up til after midnight (not because it's OK, but simply because I have lost all track of time)
• TV/video games during the day
• pacific science center, the zoo, family fun center, mariners game, yogurtland, Lego movie again, the library, pump it up...because we finally have time (and we have 2 birthdays to celebrate)
• sending Elli away for the day with the kids so I can stay home and clean...all by myself.  (my personal fave)
• madsen happily playing outside on the tramp with Nolan and Ray (instead of him asking me all day when Ray and Nolan are going to be home)
• Nolan and Ray getting up with Madsen in the mornings because it's the ticket to playing video games
• blowing through a tank of gas in less than a week
• putting candles in leftover cake and singing happy birthday to madsen over and over again...at his insistence
• having high hopes for all the (cleaning/organizing) projects I'm finally going to have time to do, but that list somehow morphs into all the projects I'm finally going to have time to do...once the kids go back to school
• not having any idea how long it's been since my children have bathed (since we had general conference over the weekend, there's not even the "at least they showered on Sunday" option)
• not making lunches in the mornings = forgetting to feed my children on some days
• not waking up at 5 am {but still feeling almost as tired even though I'm waking up at 9}
• less arguments with sleep-deprived teenagers, more arguments with sleep-deprived toddlers
• not going to the gym
• wasting hours and hours playing 2048 on my phone (not to brag or anything, but my high score is higher than the FB-posted high scores of 2 childhood genius-friends of mine)
• not blogging
• getting sick.  doesn't every spring break end with getting sick? 

at the end of this (birth)day

• madsen is arguing with me that he is 2, not 3.
• Nolan is excitedly researching planets and stars that he is seeing through his new telescope
• damon is trying to figure out where in the world we are going to store this ginormous, fragile new toy
• I am in shock that my oldest son is 12 and my baby is 3
• there are 5 unwrapped presents sitting on the table still waiting for madsen's interest
• there is a new foam puzzle map of the united states that has been assembled and disassembled, in alphabetical order, multiple times-- sitting next to the stack of unopened gifts
• there is a severely neglected house from hours spent outside on this beautiful, sunny 70-degree first day of spring break
• Nolan has been showered with love from all over and opened gifts every hour on the hour for the past 12 hours
• I have a newly acquired knowledge of QR codes and you tube video settings
• Ray is having 2 friends spend the night, Emma one, Elli is spending the night somewhere else, Madsen is next to me in my bed, and Nolan is happy to be sleeping by himself
• there is a 1/4 reese's peanut butter cup blizzard ice cream cake in my freezer that madsen hasn't licked the frosting off of yet
• there are 34 new videos on my phone from our trip to the zoo for madsen to watch over and over
• we have quadrupled our states and capitals games/toys/puzzles/books collection
• there are 2 uneaten (and possibly un-ordered?) hamburgers leftover from Dick's Drive-in sitting on my kitchen counter
• I am mourning the loss of a perfect general conference weekend at the same time I am breathing a sigh of relief that I am 3/5 of the way through our 2014 birthdays
• damon is doing whatever he does to switch out my (warrantied) defective phone with my new phone, without losing all my "stuff"
• Nolan has genuinely thanked me multiple times for everything I did to make his birthday special
• I am on day 7 of managing without my own personal laptop
• I am the feeling the good kind of tired and the good kind of blessed

the great nail poiish incident

this picture made me smile,

maybe even LOL

when it was texted to me while I was at the gym last week

(look at me, I'm "gym-dropping" now.  haha)

 

 

 

not because I'm happy that our cork floors were ruined
or that a relatively new pair of pajamas went straight into the garbage
or even because it didn't happen on my watch.

 

it made me smile because the person "in charge" when this event occurred
was the same person who suggested we
"keep the Sharpies out of Madesn's reach"
after he happily redecorated our master bedroom wood floors with them

...on my watch.  

 

 

the real reason i go to the gym

as I sat lingering in the women's plush locker room lounge today, the REAL reason I was there dawned on me.

it's not like I don't have multiple legit reasons to go to the gym.: 

• I'm not in my twenties (or even thirties) anymore. 
• I have health issues that exercising regularly would benefit (hypothyroidism, high triglycerides).
• It's good for my heart (dad died of a heart attack = motivation for healthy heart).
• I want to be a good example for my children, particularly my daughters.
• I have accepted the fact that I need/should exercise regularly for the rest of my life, regardless of how much I loathe it.
• I would be happy to firm up and even lose (more than) a few pounds.

Sadly, none of these great benefits are the real reason why I bother to squeeze into a sports bra and expose my uncoordinated gym-moves to everyone who knows what they're actually doing at the gym. 

The real reason I go to the gym is to shower all by myself. 

seriously.

without any perfection pieces or letters or hotwheels to avoid murdering my feet. 
without anybody barging in on me just to ask me a quick question. 
without feeling guilty that I really need to scrub the shower walls
without anybody opening the shower door and demanding that it stay open while he puts 72 letters in one by one so they can take a shower too. 
I even get to use {free} shaving cream to shave my legs.  geez, the fact that I'm even shaving my legs is thrilling enough, but free shaving cream?!  come on!

all by myself.  the dream continues.  I then get to get dressed all by myself (if I go into one of the private dressing areas).  and put deodorant on and moisturizer on my face and lotion on my body... all consecutively and uninterrupted- unless it's to look up to the TV screen where I get to laugh with Ellen.  and then I even have time to blow dry my hair.  because I didn't have to run downstairs to "do something really quickly" and get distracted and have my hair dry as-is. 

and then.  then, I'm all clean.  dressed.  and, technically ready to go.  but there's a comfortable chair, empty, right in front of a tv that is not playing Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Minecraft.  I actually don't even know what it's playing.  but it doesn't matter.  I sit down.  and just enjoy the fact that I don't have to mult-task while I sit there (nothing to clean up, nobody there who needs anything from me, nothing). 

and then I brace myself.
and go back to the place I love.
home.
where the house is messier than I left it.  and Madsen isn't wearing pants.  or underwear.   and everybody's hungry. 

and I find myself dreaming about going back to that place I hate. 

things i often forget

• the details of a blogpost that I've been thinking about all day--as soon as the blank NEW POST window appears on my screen.
• to take my thyroid medication in the morning
• how much fun it is to go on a walk "to nowhere" with a curious 2-year-old
• how long that same walk can take
• how important it is to show love for my children even when I'm disappointed in decisions they make
• how much work it is just to maintain our general level-of-messiness
• how easy it is to make my 2-year-old happy
• how much fun it is to sing Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes
• how busy Tuesdays are
• how much I love being outside in the sunshine
• that's it abnormal for a 2-year-old to know what a "selfie" is
• how many Rice Krispy treats I'm capable of eating an inch at a time
• how yucky I feel when I eat too much
• how easy it is to sweep my dusty bedroom floor- even though I've dreaded it for weeks
• how much Madsen loves to "go high in the sky" in the swing
• that my kids are great, faults and annoying habits included
• showering isn't hard and it ALWAYS improves my day; I should have done it earlier
• sarcasm isn't always appropriate or appreciated
• how blessed I am
• to tell my kids I love them
• to respond with love instead of criticism