time out for women

right now i am here.

and loving it.

the speakers tonight were fantastic
and the musical talent of jenny oaks baker?  unbelievable. 

the theme is hope.

and the messages have been beautiful.

i can’t wait until tomorrow.

i have always loved linda and richard eyre. 

and tomorrow, linda and her grown daughter, shawni
will be speaking.

and they are the reason i drove 4 hours to be here.

{well, that, and a reason to get away with some really great women}

and, karen, it’s WAY better than a root canal!.  you missed out

mcdonald’s memories

i have very distinct memories of my local mcdonald’s from when i was a kid.  for as many memories as i have of that place, we must have spent an awful lot of time there. 

51st and Olive Dunlap Mcdonald’s
Glendale, AZ

playing inside the tall hamburger

classic mcdonald’s characters like the hamburglar
and that purple guy

winning (and losing) free food during their summer Olympics promotion (for every US gold medal, you get a free big mac; silver free fries, bronze free drink).  i think we went daily during the summer olympics

having my mom buy bags of hamburgers when they were on promotion 4 for $1. 

feeling disappointed every time i bit into one of those hamburgers and realized- yet again- that my mom didn’t order it plain like i’d demanded.  mustard!  and onions!  how dare she!

today, i spent some time at our local redmond mcdonald’s and i began to wonder if ray would have as many memories of this mcdonald’s as i had of my mcdonald’s. 

the question- from ray- that started my trip down (mcdonald’s) memory lane…

“mom, when you were a little boy, did you ever go down the mcdonald’s slide headfirst on your back?”

i definitely remember going headfirst on my back down the slide, but {thank goodness} i have no memory of being a little boy.

winterfresh cookies

we’re taking a break from cookie wednesday.

seventh-grader cookie wednesdays, that is. 

per elli’s request. 

{“mom, i’ve learned that i like smaller groups better.  sometimes i can’t wait for all my friends to go home.”}

at least we have something in common, me and that teenaged daughter of mine.

at first, i was really sad about it. 

then i was ecstatic. 

free wednesdays!

but emma got wind of the news that there’d be no bossy 7th-graders here on wednesdays so she asked if she could have a 5th-graders only version of cookie wednesday.

which happened last wednesday.

and guess who got wind of that? 

nolan.

so there was a 2nd-grade edition today. 

and that’s my favorite:  seven 2nd-grade boys.  they were the quietest and most well-behaved of all the groups (and the smallest in number).

and it looks like ray may be interested in a special cookie wednesday also.  or friday as it turns out.

so there go my wednesdays again.

oh well.

nolan’s request was the cookies with the big “chocolate chip” {aka a hershey’s kiss} in the middle.  we were running low on hershey’s kisses so i improvised with easter candy:  rolos and mini butterfinger/nestle crunch/reese’s chocolate eggs.  they were actually pretty awesome. 

ray was super excited to have his big brother’s posse over today.  so excited that he wanted to contribute something extra special for the occasion.  something he surely invented in his head when he saw how creative i was being with our easter candy:

i mean, who wants peanut butter cookies with a hershey’s kiss {or rolo or whatever} shoved in the center when you can have a lemon-iced cookie with a winterfresh piece of gum shoved in the center?

“mom, i only made 3 of them.  because i only want there to be 3 people who get them.” 

yum-o

rant with no rave

i hate when businesses offer specials or discounts to attract customers…and then get annoyed when people, such as myself, take advantage of said offers.  if it bugs you when people utilize your “kids eat free” deal, then don’t offer it. 

something else i hate is when i am judged right off the bat at a restaurant.  it happens all the time when damon and i are out.  the minute we don’t order {alcoholic} drinks it’s an instant blow to the waiter, but then when we ask for water (of all beverage choices!), he’s all but given up on us as real customers.  likewise, when we go to a restaurant with our 5 kids in tow, and the waiter is just plain put-out that he has to wait on us.  like he just expects our table to be a nightmare before he’s even seen that our kids are perfectly capable of eating at a restaurant (sometimes).  i hate that attitude.  it doesn’t make for a very pleasant dining experience. 

for anyone.

last night, i braved the restaurant scene with my 5 kids…and no husband.  why?  it was kids eat free night at a local restaurant.  2 free kids’ meals with each adult entree.  perfect- since elli orders from the regular menu now and that left 4 “free children”. 

we rarely go out to eat as a family of seven.  it’s just too expensive.  so it takes a deal like this to convince me it might be worth the money to dine out.  i did all the right things:  i called ahead to make sure this restaurant was still offering this promotion.  i made sure it was 2 free kids’ meals per one adult entree.  i made sure the restaurant wasn’t very busy. 

and then i loaded up my 5 hungry kiddos and dined out.

only it didn’t go as i’d hoped.  {does it ever?} 

right off the bat, the waiter was put-out that we were even there.  one adult and 5 kids?  come on.  and then, just as i anticipated, completely abandoned us when we all ordered…water.

everything went fine for our meal.  the kids acted just fine.  we didn’t leave a huge mess.  the food was mediocre.  ray ordered (kraft) macaroni and cheese, but was confused as to why it tasted so bad.  i tried it and he was right:  it tasted bad.  that’s what happens when you substitute margarine for butter:  bad food. 

i was already wondering in my head how i was going to tip.  i’m usually a solid 20%+ tipper.  even when our service is bad, we usually tip above the customary 15%.  but i was really feeling like our waiter didn’t even deserve the 15%.  but how could i not tip him the 15% when we got free kids’ meals, for crying out loud?  that was the dilemma i was in while i watched my kids get impatient as each of them hit their limit of food and patience for this place.

and then we sat and waited for 10 more minutes for the waiter to bring us our bill.  [it’s hard to tell when one of your tables is ready for the bill when you never come back to check on them.]  when he finally did come to our table, i asked him for our bill because we were ready to leave.  he told me he would get it for me.  and then proceeded to bus our table.  picking up each of our 6 plates and painstakingly scraping off all the leftovers onto one plate (not even bothering to ask if we wanted to box it up) and balancing the heavy load all the way up his arm- as if to show me how much work it was to wait on our table.  believe me, i know. i do it three times a day. 

after he’d cleared our table, he brought back our bill.  he set it on the table and quickly walked away.  which i thought was strange.  {in retrospect, i think  he was anticipating what i was about to react to.  which is even more annoying.}  when i opened up the bill, i noticed immediately that i had been charged for 2 of the 4 kids’ meals.  i was confused.  i had specifically asked if one paid adult entree netted 2 free kids’ meals.  and i’d read the fine print on the bottom of the kids’ menu: what’s there to be confused about?

so i get our waiter’s attention and ask him why i got charged for 2 kids’ meals.  to which he responds:  “there are only select kids’ meals that you can choose for free.  it’s shows them on the menu.”

me:  “it does?  i read the kids’ menu top to bottom.  it didn’t say anything about having to choose a specific kids’ meal for it to be free.”

waiter (pointing to the rainbow highlighted kids’ meals): “the highlighted ones are the ones you can choose for free.  that’s why they’re highlighted”

me:  “i noticed that some of them were different colors and thought it was odd {and tacky}, but i just thought you were trying to make your menu festive.  you should say {in words} somewhere on the menu that you have to choose specific items.”

waiter:  “it does.  that’s why the KIDS EAT FREE MONDAYS is highlighted, too.”

me:  “and i’m just supposed to make that assumption that just because there are some random things highlighted in different, non-related colors that that means i have to order those specific kids’ meals as part of the kids eat free offer?  that’s really confusing.  i think that’s something you should have pointed out verbally to me or have it printed on your menu.  that’s ridiculous.”

waiter:  “you should have asked if you were confused.”

me:  “but i wasn’t confused because your menu clearly states that kids eat free on mondays and that the exclusions to this are that there is no drink or dessert provided with a kids meal.  why would i think there was some other exclusion?”

waiter:  “because it’s highlighted.”

me:  “again, i think that’s lame.  i’m going to speak to the manager.”

and then i gathered up my brood and marched right up to the register and asked to speak to the manager. 

who happened to be my waiter.

we battled it out some more.  elli begged to go out to the car because i “always embarrass her” whenever we go to a restaurant. wha?  damon would have gone out to the car with her if he was there.  this isn’t a side of me he’s comfortable with.

and i am beyond annoyed now because my kids are running around the lobby and i’m trying to work this out.  i was so frustrated that i actually considered walking out without paying any of my bill.  but i was pretty sure that was illegal and i was positive nolan would have noticed and held me accountable. 

at the end of our dining experience, the “manager” refunded the additional 2 kids’ meals and, with a very condescending tone, explained that this was a “one-time-only exception.  but the next time you come in---”

um , stop right there, mr. manager/waiter/{drop-out} college student…

do you really think there’s going to be a next time? 

surely you want that to happen about as badly as i want that to happen right now. 

please tell me i’m not the only one who runs into these kinds of dilemmas where people make you feel like a complete loser for taking them up on a good deal.

TIR…our wedding day

• june 27, 1995, mesa arizona temple
• it was the 151st anniversary of the martyrdom of joseph smith
• it was the middle of the week:  a tuesday.
• there were only 2 other weddings scheduled for that day in the mesa temple.  i liked not feeling like “just another bride”. 
• it was a (typically) hot june arizona day.  i could feel the sweat dripping down the back of my dress
• i think my sister-in-law laura helped me with my hair in the dressing room
• i felt amazing.  undeniably, one of the best days of my life. 
• my mom asked if she could ride with us to the luncheon from the temple, an hour’s drive.  um, hello- we just got married. 
• glistening in the sun, freckles sparkling.  wanting more than anything to have wonderful pictures, but it was so hard to pretend like i wasn’t dying in the 100+ degree heat in my heavy dress.  damon was sweet to [continuously] wipe all the sweat off my back with his handkerchief.
• the group picture from the temple was atrocious.  nobody could compete with the blinding sun.
• our photographer was the photography teacher from the high school that my mom taught at.  i’m not sure what kind of experience he had, but i was not really impressed with the photos we ended up with.  that is probably my biggest regret from my wedding day:  i would have paid more money to get the pictures that i dreamed of rather than going for a budget photographer and not being happy with our pictures.  i have several pictures that are ok, but there aren’t any that i loved or even had blown up to display in my home. 
• we went to old country buffet for our wedding luncheon.  which totally makes me laugh.  i’m not sure if i chose the location or my in-laws, but i guess it suited everybody.
• virginia garrett was out of town and offered her home to my in-laws.  i remember swimming in her pool with them and hanging out at her house- without her there.  weird. 
• the first scrapbook i ever created was my wedding album.  and, oh dear, it looks very much like the first scrapbook i ever created. 
• i insisted that my reception be held in the backyard of the home i grew up in and had so many fond memories of- which happened to be owned by my brother brett.  my mom tried to talk me out of it, but i was determined to NOT have a wedding reception in the church cultural hall.  it turned out beautifully, but i know it stressed my mom out (and probably brett’s wife, susan, too).
• my trusty hair-stylist, robert, did my hair and make-up for my reception later that night.  i felt like a different person.  i was so “made-up” for what i was normally comfortable with, but i did feel absolutely radiant. 
• all of my brothers (and maybe my dad?) went golfing in between the luncheon and the reception.  they were late getting back for pictures before the outside lighting was too harsh and we missed out on a decent family picture.  my mom may have been furious.  me?  i didn’t really care. 
• we got married on the same day that damon’s brother eric had gotten married the previous year.  incidentally, eric and his wife decided to celebrate their first anniversary instead of coming to our wedding.  i’m totally over it.
• aaron and trina attended our wedding as newlyweds.  aaron and damon looked awfully similar in their matching tuxedos, seeing how they’re identical twins and all.  at one point during our reception, one of the young laurels in our ward pulled me aside to give me some tragic news:  she had just witnessed my new husband kissing…another woman!!  “my husband” turned out to be aaron and the “other woman” turned out to be trina.  whew.
• adrian juchau played the piano beautifully.  i loved that the piano was moved outside for him to play.
• damon was nice to me when it was time to feed each other cake.  i believe i was nice to him, too.  but my memories have been quite different from damon’s this entire week- so who knows? 
• the entire day seemed to fly by, including our reception.  in the moment, so many of the details i’d spent so much money and time and energy worrying about just didn’t matter. 
• our reception ended at 9 p.m.  and damon wasn’t kidding when he told me we were not sticking around one minute past 9 p.m. 
• i was adamant about wearing my wedding dress to our honeymoon suite.  so many people told me i should change into something more comfortable, but having my new husband carry me over the threshold of our honeymoon suite was something i’d always dreamed of.  i was thrilled to have that dream come true.  i would do that part all over again. 
• i booked our honeymoon location sight unseen.  i was originally disappointed when i first saw it in person (a couple days before our wedding) and told the manager at the hotel.  he upgraded us to a honeymoon cottage, which was awesome.  we stayed at the scottsdale cottonwoods resort for our first night and then at the orange tree resort (using a timeshare of my brother brett’s) for the remainder of our honeymoon.  we needed to stay close to home since my brother was getting married 4 days after us. 
• damon’s 22nd birthday fell just 2 days after we were married.  we celebrated at bobby mcgee’s in scottsdale.  i think it was the best birthday he’s ever had.  seriously.
• in looking through all my wedding cards, pictures, mementos these past several days, i came across an unused $5 waldenbook’s gift certificate that we must have been gifted at either our wedding or our roast.  i wonder if it’s still good?
• several weeks after our wedding, we had a joint wedding reception with aaron and trina in orem, utah- hosted by damon and aaron’s uncle larry and aunt ann.  many of the people attending did not realize that it was a double reception and both trina and i had multiple comments that went something like this, “you don’t look anything like your picture!”  to which we would respond with, “maybe you’re here for the other half of our reception?” and point them in the direction of the other couple.  it was pretty funny. 
• several of my 6th-grade students attended our utah reception
• there was one couple who was a relative of mine that attended our utah reception.  we remembered them coming and talking with us, but we didn’t receive a gift from them.  i have always wondered if their gift got lost or the tag fell off and we didn’t know it was from them or if they really didn’t bring a gift.  i wasn’t quite sure what to write on their thank you card.  i definitely thanked them for coming, but i didn’t want to not acknowledge their gift if they brought one.  it still disturbs me to this day. 
• i can still remember almost every single wedding gift we were given and i always think of the person(s) whenever i use it.  scrabble and othello?  sister godfrey.  my farberware knife set?  aunt cathy.  my farberware pan set that i still use daily?  the sweet sisters of the 7th ward, organized by sister westover.  hand-carved wooden duck?  the palmers.  green at&t corded phone?  matt and lauren.  blue towel set?  shar and dave.  forest green towel set and cash?  staci and bob.  $400 that we used to buy our first {queen-sized} bed?  damon’s parents. 
• i still have all the of the cards that were given to me with our wedding gifts.
• i was shocked at the monetary gifts that so many gave.  to this day, i still feel like a cheapskate when i give a gift at a wedding, knowing some of the gifts that we received.
• my grandma harward, uncle jim and aunt jill, and aunt cathy and uncle rod traveled from utah to be at our wedding.
• my brothers had a lot of hair at my wedding.
• the chatwins were still alive.
• the stamens from my wedding flowers stained my wedding dress.
• who caught my bouquet?
• pictures of damon and i growing up adorned the stucco walls of the backyard on the walk up to greet us. 
• my mom made homemade buttermints for the reception.
• i had completed all of my thank you cards within a couple weeks of my wedding.  i was very proud. 
• someone actually sent me a thank you card for sending her a thank you card so promptly. 
• i sent her a thank you card back.
• damon’s family only had about 20 names to add to our family’s 250+ names for our wedding invitations.  that was crazy to me, but i guess that’s what happens when you’re in the military and your family moves every 3 years. 
• damon showed immense respect for me on our wedding night.  and he continues to amaze.

a sampling of my rockstar scrapbooking skills…15 years ago:

a few scanned images from that rockstar album: newlyweds squared:  me and damon; aaron and trina

honeymoon time…

it only takes one thing

{on top of the first 47 things}

to set me off.

the comment that put me over the edge:  “mom, i’m hungry.  what can i have to eat?” (murmured approximately 32 minutes after dinner was completed).

a few of the first 47 incidents:

“honey, i’m sorry i have to leave you with everything again, but i really need to go to my office for the rest of the day/month spring/summer? to finish up what i’m working on.”

“do i have to eat all my dinner?”

“i don’t want to play this game.”

“when are we going to be done?”

“i’d rather be up in my room reading.  why are you making us all play a game?”

“i accidentally was blinking in all the family pictures.”

“i don’t like this dinner.”

“mom, my carrots are cold.  can you heat them up again?”

“my arms are too tired to carry my plate to the sink.” 

   
and those are the things that happened one right after the other that prompted the spirit to whisper in my ear, “put your kids to bed early tonight.  all of them.  it doesn’t matter that it’s only 6:27 p.m. and the sun is still shining brightly in the sky.”

and so i did. 

bottle him up

in our church, the boys start going to cub scouts when they reach the age of eight.  nolan has been looking forward to this particular perk of being eight for about 2 years. 

now that he is finally eight and has joined the wolf pack, i just love watching how enthusiastic he is to be a boy scout.  a few months ago when we had an activity at our home for the 16-17 year-old scouts, nolan eagerly awaited them at the door…proudly dressed in his scout uniform.  it was the cutest thing. 

when his 2 leaders came over a couple sundays ago to give us a scout handbook and to orient us on the workings of the cub scout program, he was all ears.  in fact, before his 2 den leaders left, he had completed 4 of the requirements he needed to earn his bobcat award. 

he has since been to 2 boy scout meetings and has completed the rest of the requirements needed for his bobcat.  i know that the bobcat is relatively easy, and i know it will only get harder and require more and more effort on his part to excel in scouting (and lots of involvement and effort on my part as well), but i am still so impressed at how eager he is to work and be a great boy scout and even wear his new uniform. 

    

i wish i could bottle him up at this sweet age of eight because i know it won’t be long before boy scouts is something he “has to do” instead of something he “gets to do”. 

which probably goes the same for me, too.

things i remember…my engagement

• i was thrilled.  i loved staring at my bright, glorious ring.  i loved showing it off.  i loved that it snagged on my clothes, that it got caught in my hair when i washed it, that it was so noticeable in everything i did.  i loved the obvious sign that i was in love and engaged to be married.  i get butterflies just thinking about how wonderful it felt to know i was going to marry damon.
• it was an exhausting time.  student teaching and working and now being engaged?  i was killing myself trying to balance all that.  but it was such a lovely, busy time.
• i ordered my bridesmaid dresses from chadwick’s of boston.  they were…green.  is anyone surprised?  for some reason, i have a distinct memory of ordering them- by phone- on my lunch break at school.  it was a huge moment for me officially making that decision and making that purchase.  i think the dresses were like $40 or $50 a piece.  thank you for wearing them, staci, brooke, kristen, brandi, and sarah. 
• we made several trips back to arizona to plan the wedding.  i remember feeling like i had to make decisions in such a short amount of time.  and that the short weekend trips home to arizona were packed full of making decisions and running around, which wasn’t really a lot of fun, but necessary.  i wanted everything to be perfect.  i don’t think i was a bridezilla, but i also remember having the perspective on my actual wedding day that none of those things mattered that i had been so convinced were going to make or break that special day.  none of it mattered. 
• i loved the car trips to arizona with damon.  there are still some songs that i hear on the radio that give me distinct memories of driving to arizona with damon (erasure, crowded house, enya, pet shop boys, depeche mode).  that was so much fun making that 12-hour drive together.
• i remember the bridal shower that was held at the westover’s home for me. 
• the colors i chose for my wedding were forest green and white.
• i couldn’t wait to ditch the female roommate drama and be part of a married couple.
• we bought our first car together (with the help of my brother, brett, as a co-signer) about a month before we got married.  we leased a brand-new 1995 {sueded silver} vw jetta.  our payment was less than $200/month.  we LOVED that car.  even though we were both in our 20’s, it was the first car either of us owned.
• my dress was made for me by a family friend’s mother-in-law.  i loved it.  it was perfect for me.  i still remember the final fitting in her home when i got to wear it and show my new mother-in-law and my mom.  it was simple, but beautiful.  i still think it’s beautiful- after 15 years.  i think the dress cost me $275.  i don’t remember if that included the fabric and supplies- or if that was just for labor.  but it seemed like a great deal to me. 
• we still spent lots of time together.  it was a lovely time that seemed to last forever and fly by at the same time. 
• i spent a lot of money at victoria’s secret.
• i would typically go through the temple for the first time about a week before i was to be married, but i decided to go through almost a month before for 2 reasons.  one, my younger brother, pepper, had just been called on a mission to brazil and he was going through the temple for the first time also.  we received our own endowments on the same day:  may 21, 1995, in the mesa, arizona temple.  and, two, aaron and trina were getting married 3 weeks before us in washington dc and i wanted to be at their wedding. 
• with the exception of forgetting to wear a bra to my college graduation a couple months later, adjusting to wearing garments wasn’t a big deal for me.  i was really grateful that i had been taught modesty and that it was enforced in our home growing up (except for those days when i borrowed sarah’s short white esprit shorts that i changed into at school).  it made the transition much easier. 
• because i went through the temple a month before our wedding, i was able to attend the temple several times before our wedding.  one of those times, damon and i were asked to do sealings.  i was reassured that it didn’t matter that we hadn’t been sealed to each other yet.  that was a really cool experience being able to listen to the sealing blessings several times before we would hear it in relation to ourselves.  it was more meaningful and powerful on our special day to have already been familiar with those words.
• about a week after we bought our jetta and several weeks before we were to be married, damon got cold feet.  he told me one night that he wasn’t sure if he should marry me because, among other reasons, he was bothered by the way i held his hand.  i responded with much maturity by removing my engagement ring and hurling it.  and then running off and crying.  yeah, i’m really proud of that.
• i will be forever grateful to my {then future-} father-in-law, a marriage counselor, who counseled with damon and told him to buck up.  that if damon had received confirmation that i was to be his wife, he needed to trust that and not continually doubt that.  that damon would feel fear no matter who he was going to marry because it’s such a big decision.  just because he was feeling stressed about getting married, didn’t necessarily mean it was because he was stressed about marrying me.  luckily, damon was able to differentiate between the two and decided that it was just about the responsibility of getting married and that it didn’t have to do with his feelings for me directly.  i have reminded him often of this in our marriage.
• me?  i never doubted the peace and joy i felt in my decision to marry damon.  ever.  it was a direct contrast to the constant questioning and reassurance i gave myself in my previous relationship- which lasted for 1 1/2 years.  i always made fun of people who had speedy-quick courtships and engagements, but now i was one of those people and it was right for me.  i knew damon would make me happy.  and i was never scared or worried that i was making a bad decision.  i was full of joy and excitement and could not wait to begin married life with him.
• in retrospect, i believe that both damon and i were both prepared individually for marriage (in other relationships) before we even met.  i think we both knew exactly what was lacking in our previous relationships and when we found each other, it was easy to make that immediate jump.  i have always loved how committed we were to each other right from the start.  relationships are beautiful, unique things.
• george durrant was our stake president.  he interviewed us to be married.  he was also my family history professor.  i loved that man. 
• i was relieved when i met damon’s parents for the first time (at aaron/trina’s wedding?) because they were so nice and normal.  they welcomed me with open arms and made me feel very loved right from the beginning.  i’m not sure that damon received that same reception from my family, but it relieved a lot of anxiety on my end to have “normal” in-laws.
• the night before we got married, it is tradition in my family to “roast” the new couple (aka re-tell embarrassing stories about the one to be married).  i distinctly remember the poem my dad wrote for me. 
• we were married 3 months after he proposed on june 27, 1995- 3 days after i earned my bachelor’s degree in elementary education from BYU. 
• i loved when damon introduced me as his fiancé.  it made my heart skip a beat.

things i remember…the proposal

• the dress i was wearing was a dress i LOVED.  I bought it on clearance at Lerner for less than $10.  I wore it all the time.  It had great front pockets and it was really long.  loved it.  who cares that ray thinks i “look weird”?
• i was student teaching in a 6th-grade classroom in orem, utah.  mrs. chai was my mentor/teacher.  i thought she was the best.  mrs.  chai drove a new silver mitsubishi diamante.  why i remember that, i don’t know.
• this particular morning, i was really tired (probably after a late night with damon).  i think i had to be at the school by like 7:15 or something every morning.  i believe i beat mrs. chai there that morning, and when i got there, i laid my head down on the back desk and fell asleep for a few moments.  i awoke to the intercom lady asking if i could substitute down in a first-grade classroom because there was a temporary need down in that classroom- clear on the other end of the school.  mrs. chai encouraged me to go and said she’d be fine without me for however long they needed me down in first-grade.
• what i didn’t know at the time was that damon had set the entire “fake sub” thing up with mrs. chai to get me out of the classroom.  he was in the nurse’s office, curled up under the counter so i wouldn’t see him when i passed by on my way to the first-grade classroom.
• i think i was “needed” in the other classroom for about an hour.  i have no recollection of what i actually did in that classroom.
• when the teacher arrived back in the room to relieve me, i headed back to my 6th-graders.  it was a long hallway that i had to walk down.  i didn’t realize until i was almost there that mrs. chai was video-taping me.  but when i did notice her, i didn’t think anything of it.  i thought maybe she was doing a piece for the 6th grade graduation.  i had no idea that she was filming what would soon be damon’s proposal to me.
• i look and sound like a dork.  i was in kind of a stupor.
• mrs. chai’s voice sounds exactly like my aunt jill.  every time i listen to this video, i think it’s my aunt jill  in the background commanding me to “kiss him!  kiss him!”
• mrs. chai was super thrilled to be a part of this.  she loved damon.
• mrs. chai made me take the rest of the day off.  she wouldn’t let me stay and teach that day.  i don’t have a clue what we did that day, except going back to my house and calling my family and telling my roommates and showing my ring off.  that probably took the better part of the day.
• my ring was really shiny and clean.  and simple, just like my sister’s and my mom’s.  i had just the wide gold band with a single traditional-cut diamond in the center.  when we got married, damon added a single thin gold band to that.  and gave me an identical single gold band on our first anniversary.  i have intentionally never had them soldered together.
• we had been ring shopping together, but damon bought the ring on his own.  our jeweler was zig serafin- who moved into our redmond, wa ward several years after we moved here.  we also had a fellow SubZero employee that moved into our ward a few years ago.  small world.
• even though we had been discussing marriage, and i was pretty sure i had convinced damon i was worth marrying, and we had been ring-shopping, i was still completely shocked that he proposed to me on this day.
• damon had never met my parents, but we were suddenly going to see them that weekend because a friend of our family’s 8-year-old son taylor had been killed in a horse accident and we were meeting my parents in hurricane, utah for his funeral.  i thought that damon would be asking my dad for my hand in marriage that weekend.  instead, we went as an engaged couple- which was thrilling.  but i did feel horrible to have such wonderful news to share at such a tragic event.  i still think of the bradys every year at this time.  i have always associated his death with our engagement.  the boy was nolan’s age (and at least as sweet and tender as nolan) when he was killed.  it makes me want to cry some more.  i can’t imagine.
• i secretly liked not really letting my parents have input on whether or not they thought damon was good enough for me.  i liked introducing him to them as my fiancé.  like, sorry, you HAVE to like him.  he’s going to be a part of our family now.  so don’t even try to find all the reasons why i shouldn’t marry him. 
• there was another teacher at the school i was teaching at that was older and single.  she was very annoyed at all the silly attention i got this day and thought it was very unprofessional.  lame.
• the girl who comes in at the end was a fellow student teacher with me.  she was so happy for me.  i can’t remember her name, but i adored her.  she was really funny and sarcastic with me.
• my favorite part of this video is when one of my 6th-graders makes some comment under his breath (front and bottom of the video) wondering how tragic it would have been if i’d said no to damon.
• my 6th-graders thought it was really cool to be a part of something like this.  several of their parents wrote me letters about how much they talked about this experience and how it would be something they would remember for the rest of their lives.
• some of those 6th-graders were brats, but i had a few favorites.  several of them came to our utah wedding reception.  they are probably all married with children of their own now.  bizarre.  absolutely bizarre.
• i totally didn’t even mind that damon bought me carnations- even though he knows i hate them. 
• i am carrying my beloved forest green franklin day planner and i have my trusty pager clipped to my pocket.  wow.  1995.
• my long curls- oh how i miss my pre-pregnancy hair.
• i love how creative damon was in his proposal.  i love that he involved my class in it.  i love that he thought of video-taping it.  i love his awesome hair.  i love that he asked me to marry him.  i love that it was a complete surprise to me.  i love that there is an obvious shift in my mood where i suddenly “get” that this is my moment.  this is the moment that i’ve waited my entire life for.   
• i don’t love that i act like a complete fool in this video.  it kills me to watch it and listen to myself.  i don’t love that i didn’t save those flowers.  i don’t love that i lost the hard copy of that poem that he wrote.  i have a love/hate relationship with the cheesy-music-that-i-didn’t-choose-dubbed-over-the-video version that mrs. chai’s husband created for us. 
• damon proposed to me on march 30, 1995.  almost 5 weeks after our first date.  from my perspective, i felt like i’d been waiting forever for him to actually propose.
• the following video (which really ends at 7:10; don’t stick around for the next 4 minutes it’s all blue screen) is not the best quality, but it’s priceless to me…

such a memorable day.

things i remember…dating damon

• the day after our first date, i made and delivered cookies to damon- and i started to do little things on a regular basis to let him know i was thinking of him.  i left notes on his  steering wheel (or aaron’s actually) while he was at work.  i left him candy and treats in unexpected places.  i loved thinking of ways to show him i was thinking about him.
• shortly after our first date, damon got a new job at the senior missionary training center.  which turned out to be a good thing because our taskmaster, bob, was opposed to employee dating.  he was actually opposed to employee anything.  but let’s not talk about bob; he is nowhere on my list of favorite people.  i’m still baffled as to how some people become managers of other people when they have no people skills. 
• we spent a lot of time together pretty early on in our dating days. 
• i was in my last major semester at BYU (i only had 3 classes left in a spring term), and i was student teaching in a 6th grade class.  i was also working 20+ hours per week, which was very much frowned upon while i was student teaching.  i was so busy and so tired, but still made time to see and talk to damon as much as i could.  most nights we would stay up talking on the phone or in my living room until the wee hours of the morning.  i was lucky to get 3-4 hours of sleep a night.  what a nightmare for a teacher.  but i was on a high that sustained me. 
• i felt like our relationship progressed tremendously over the course of a single week.  we went from first date to nearly inseparable after about a week.  and we would soon become affectionately known as “the velcro couple” (I think my dad started that phrase) because we were always together and were always close to each other
• i cooked real food like stir fry and fried rice and other family favorites for damon.  he cooked (lots and lots of) pancakes for me.  i think that’s all the food he had in his apartment:  pancake mix and oatmeal.  maybe some top ramen, too.  he introduced me to chocolate chips in my pancakes which has become the norm in our house now.
• i remember he came over nearly every day after his new job, dressed in his old mission suit.  i don’t have any idea when we studied for school, but we must have done it together because we weren’t apart much.
• something that really stuck with me all these years is that he got me a gift for st. patrick’s day.  and, no, it wasn’t a leprechaun trap.  he bought me a green mug from the BYU bookstore and filled it with gold coins and made a plate of green cookies.  i was totally blown away by his creativity and thoughtfulness.  seems kind of dumb now, but it really impressed then that he would give me a gift for st. patrick’s day.  i still have that mug.
• i think we mostly hung out at my house, but we sometimes were at his apartment.  his roommate was really immature and annoying to be around.
• i think damon rode his bike to my house-when aaron’s car wasn’t available.  that’s funny to me now, but was normal back then.
• i remember the day that aaron and trina became engaged; though i don’t remember where damon and i were in the context of our relationship.  but i do remember being a little jealous of trina and being eager for that moment for myself.
• some of the things we did while we were dating were visiting relatives (my grandma harward, damon’s aunt and uncle), being at damon’s niece jessica’s 3rd birthday celebration at tgifridays, visiting damon’s sister megan (savannah’s birth mom) in the hospital after she gave birth to fantasia.
• feeling awkward at first that my roommate that semester was my ex-boyfriend’s little sister, but quickly realizing how great and supportive she was of my relationship with damon even though i was no longer going to marry her brother (hi, bridget!)
• other places we frequented:  nowhere.  we were poor college students.  dining at SubZero was about as fancy and spendy as we got.
• driving places in aaron’s car.  i don’t have any memories of any great destinations, but i sure have a lot of memories of long, serious conversations in that car.  i’m pretty sure that car is the place that we first discussed getting married.  i have a distinct memory of the view i had (of the windshield) and the unbelievable feeling of excitement i had inside my body those first few times we were actually brave enough to bring up the topic of marriage…to each other…after a good strong, solid, long week of dating. 
• good times.  and even better ones to come….

things i remember…our first date

• as damon mentioned in the comments on yesterday’s post, there was a lot of flirting going on in the 1-2 weeks’ time between me asking him out and our actual date.  i was very much looking forward to this date with him.
• i probably wore forest green jeans and a forest green and maroon plaid button-down flannel shirt with my green and brown doc martin rip-offs.  and i probably also “laid out” that day so i’d have a pretend tan (aka “a sunburn”). 
• i don’t remember what damon was wearing, but i’m pretty sure he wasn’t wearing his signature black jeans that he wore to SubZero everyday.  but he probably was wearing his thick black shoes and maybe a long-sleeved [90’s color-blocked] polo?  he didn’t reek of ralph lauren’s polo,which i was grateful for.  i hated that scent.
• neither of us owned a car.  we either borrowed my roommates bright red mitsubishi or aaron’s (damon’s twin) little blue 2-door prelude? which we must have driven at least as much as aaron for as many memories as i have of us borrowing it.  or maybe we walked?
• we saw the amazing production of the Lamanite Generation performed at the HFAC on BYU’s campus
• during the show, i desperately wanted him to hold my hand- which i made readily available.  i can’t remember if he took the bait or not?
• after the show, we were supposed to go country line dancing, but for reasons i can’t remember, we never went.  i have no idea why we’d planned on going country dancing because i hate to dance and he hates country music so we must have thought country dancing was a good compromise.  instead, we came back to my house and watched a movie with some of my roommates. 
• after the movie, we ended up back at damon’s apartment on 9th east.  which must mean that i drove because i was probably taking him home. 
• did we hang out with aaron and trina back at the apartment complex?
• i don’t have any idea how many hours we spent talking in the front room of his apartment, but i remember talking about nearly everything.  i was very comfortable with him. 
• he told me that he had recently come out of a very serious relationship with a girl that he cared very much for- and had known and kept in contact with his entire 2-year mission.  he was confused as to why it had ended and had just started to have feelings for another girl.  and he felt like- because he had held her hand the night before and was planning on attending a fireside with her the following night- he didn’t want to start any kind of relationship with me.  whatever.
• first impressions of damon:  loyal, respectful, kind, shy, good-looking, affectionate, great listener, compassionate, spiritual, loving, mellow, soothing voice, great hair, warm, strong hands, loved his family, emotional eyes
• i had convinced him to kiss me before night’s end.
• i still remember the moments leading up to that amazing kiss.  how slow it happened and our noses touching.
• i went home that night with a grin on my face that nobody could wipe off {except for damon- when he tried to break up with me a couple months later}. 

things i remember…meeting damon

• i was [loosely] planning a wedding with the person i thought i would be marrying that next summer
• i thought i was in love with this person, but was doubting myself.  my sister, staci, gave me wonderful advice:  do something different and see how it makes you feel. 
• so i had decided i’d break up with him- even though i didn’t want to.  i did  it with the full intent of thinking that’s how i would know without a doubt that he was the person i was supposed to marry.  i thought by breaking up with him that i would miss him and be devastated.
• but i didn’t.  and i wasn’t.  i felt badly for him and i really felt like i was missing out on a great family, but i was at peace with my decision.  i actually felt relieved.  which baffled me.  it’s not how i anticipated i’d feel.  but my sister was right:  having the courage to do something different is what changed the direction my life was heading.
• it was right around this time (november 1994) that i had just been hired at a brand new frozen yogurt shop in provo, utah:  subzero. 
• i was in the wilkinson center on byu campus, using the copy machine to copy my driver’s license and other documents that i needed to in order to legally get hired at subzero.
• there was a guy there that was doing exactly the same thing for the same place of employment.  i laughed when i realized that we had both been hired at the same place and we were doing the same thing.  his name was damon.
• no sparks or anything, just a recognition that he would be somebody i’d be working with.
• as it turned out, he would be one of my supervisors.  along with his twin brother, aaron. 
• i think i started my new job in november or early december of 1994.  it was a little bit of a pay raise (6 dollars an hour!) and much closer to my house than my previous job that i’d had my entire 2 1/2 years previously at byu:  at the byu bakery in the bottom of the wilk.
• in december of 1994, a boy that i had dated before his mission returned home from his mission to czechoslavakia.  i spontaneously traveled to california to be there for his homecoming.  maybe this was the reason i was supposed to have broken up with my boyfriend?
• nope.
• those first 3 months that i worked at subzero, the boyfriend that i had previously broken up with came to walk me home every night after my shift ended so i didn’t have to walk home by myself in the dark.  which was a very nice thing to do.  but it still did nothing for my feelings for him.
• in january of 1995, i would turn 21.  i began to wonder if the reason that i had broken up with my boyfriend that i thought i was going to marry was because i was supposed to serve a mission for my church.  and so i started to pursue that route.  i talked to my bishop and got the paperwork i needed to fill out in order to serve a mission
• i filled it out and set in on my dresser.  it all seemed so easy.  but i wasn’t sure if that was what i was supposed to do either.  so the completed paperwork sat on my dresser for several weeks.
• for valentine’s day, some {unidentified} boy in my ward gifted me a pair of tickets to see a performance of lamanite generation.  instead of trying to figure out who had given me those tickets (and asking that person), i decided to ask a cute boy from subzero to go with me. 
• his name was damon.
• he agreed.  i started to notice how good-looking he was.  and i thought maybe he might be interested in me too, but i wasn’t sure. 
• i slowly tried to find ways to frequent subzero (checking my schedule, picking up my paycheck, needing  frozen yogurt, etc) just to see if that cute guy happened to be working. 
• our first date was on saturday, february 25th, 1995.

yeah- and they have yolks in them, too!

family pics (week 13)

a backyard wiffle ball game
   

and a treasure found [by savannah]:   “Yeah!  And they have YOLKS in them, too!”  (Savannah)